Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Surprises of life.

Assalamu'alaikum.

Last 21st December 2013, my friend's mum's passed away. It was cause of stroke. I was very close to her as I called her 'Mama.' According to what my friend said, Mama was talking happily, making jokes and laughing with them when she suddenly collapse while trying to answer a phone call.

After a brain scan done by my friend's aunt's, it seems that Mama had an internal bleeding in her brain. It was worst. After 3 days in coma, Mama went to meet her Creator, the One and Only, Allah. I was in shocked. As far as I know Mama, she rarely get sick. And all of a sudden, she passed away already.

When I know bout' the news, I was getting ready to get back home from IIUM to my hometown. Since my friend and I were in the same hometown, I was eager to get back home. I drove fast. Like, real fast. Even to the point, dad asked to changed driver from me to my baby sis.

Mama's death taught me. The same way as my uncle's death do. Life is full of surprise. And you just can't expect what awaits us the next minute. Or perhaps, second. Maybe millisecond. Who knows. Only Allah know that.

My friend and Mama were very close. They used to joke around, help each other in the kitchen, went out together for food hunting at 2:00 am and lots. They almost do everything together. Well, my mum and I was the opposite of that. I mean, I did help my mum in the kitchen, we make jokes and laugh. But our communication was not deep enough as my friend and Mama.

Through Mama's death, I learned how precious it is the relationship between family. I make a promise to myself. 
  • I want to make my mum happy. 
  • I want to see her laugh at my jokes. 
  • I want to massage her legs whenever she was having a cramp or too tired too walk. 
  • I want to sit with my mum in our yard and look at my mum's orchid. 
  • I want to do mostly everything with her. 
  • I want to improve my lack of communication with my mum.

And if ever something happened to my mum, or my dad, or whomever it is in my family, I will feel no regret. As I know, they know how much I love them. 

Or perhaps, if something ever happened to me, they will also know how much I love them. And in memory of that, they will continue living a happy life.

Be loved.
Learned how to loved.
Give loves to the loved one.
For the next minutes--
There are always surprises awaits us.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Regret

For the first time.
My hand was shaking so much--
That my handwriting became all shaky.
Become ugly.
That it became hard for me to keep writing .

It was not because I am mad about something.
Rather, it was because I am broken hearted.

For the first time again.
I failed myself.
Among all the wasteful, rubbish, evil things I did.
I would never be broken hearted like this.
This was the bottom of it.

I always said to myself
"I would never regret anything I did--
Because what I've did, molded me into what I am right now."

And now.
I totally regret my action.

Monday, December 16, 2013

CAM

Assalamu'alaikum..

Today, in Calculus class. Prof revealed our continuous assessment mark (CAM).
It is in total of 60. Add up with with exam, 40. Make a whole of 100.
Sir called my name.
My steps felt heavier when walking towards him.
Heavier than when I was jogging and having a short breath.
Still, I gathered up my courage and step toward his table.

'I don't think you can do this, Shidah.'
I take a quick look at my mark while Prof was uttering that word.
My heart sank. Prof's words become an echo in my ears.
As if I can't hear anything. I don't want to hear anything.

But still, thank you Prof for keeping my mark as a secret and do not announce it publicly.
Thank you for taking care of my pride.
Prof had made me a promise, in which I have to kick my ass to fulfill them.
If I am able to fulfill his condition, I will pass Calculus.
Please don't think anything dirty, haha.
Prof is like a father to me.

Walking back to my chair, I was afraid and shamed.
Knowing that my friends will ask me how much my mark is.
As I predicted, they asked. But I keep my mouth tight.
To speechless to say, to nonsense to think, I start laughing.
And breathing a long sigh.

Both of my friends, in my right and left.
Hold my hands and laugh with me.
Their hand felt so warm that it warmth my cold hands.
As itwarmth my cold heart too.
Their words of encouragement made me believe that I can do it.

It is through their warm touch--
their friendly and loving gaze--
their word of encouragement--
I have found my strength again.

Thank you for holding tight to me.
I am glad Prof told you to sit in the front row.
And I am grateful that both of you--
Chose to sit in my left and right.
Thank you

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Quick nap

Assalamu'alaikum..

I am exhausted. Utterly exhausted.
I have so many, so much things to be done in my head.
I can literally and practically list them out.
But still.
Despite of me having so many work to be settled, I haven't done anything yet.
It's just.
So much thing to do, and you decide that you should take a quick nap.
And it turns out that nap has become a long and deep sleep.
Except for the fact I am not sleeping.
I just do other things to keep me distracted from my work.
Such as.
Blogging.
Okay bye, haha.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

'Nak masuk boleh?'

Assalamu'alaikum.

Islam itu lengkap. Setiap penjelasan mencakupi segala hal. Dari sebesar-besar hal sehingga sekecil-kecil hal. Contoh, minta izin sebelum masuk bilik ibu bapa. Surah An-Nur ayat 58-59.

Itu pun ada dijelaskan dalam kita al-Quran. Walhal benda itu macam 'alaaa, rilek aaa'. Dinyatakan lagi waktu bila kita harus minta izin untuk masuk ke bilik ibu bapa.

- Sebelum solat Subuh
- Waktu tengah hari
- Selepas solat Isya'.

Dan dijelaskan lagi, apabila telah baligh, maka haruslah kamu meminta izin. Hal ini tak semestinya diaplikasi untuk bilik tidur ibu bapa sahaja. Amalkan dengan bilik saudara kita dan sahabat kita.

Contoh mudah, 1 bilik di UIA terbahagi kepada 4 cubicle. Maka, cubicle itu boleh dikira bilik dan bilik adalah tempat privasi untuk seseorang. Itulah tempat persalinan, tempat santapan, tempat belajar, etc.

Walaupun kita rapat dengan room mate kita, setiap kali kita nak masuk bilik dia, minta izin terlebih dahulu. Panggil nama dia, tanya boleh ke tak kita nak masuk bilik. Kalau diberi keizinan, maka masuk. Kalau tidak, berdiri saja di luar cubicle tuh.

Contoh lah. Kita nak masuk bilik kawan, nak tanya sesuatu, nak bersembang ke apa ke. Main redah je tirai yang menjadi pintu cubicle tuh. Salam tak bagi, minta izin pun tidak. Tetiba ternampak kawan kita tengah salin baju. Tak ke malu? Kawan kita malu, kita pun malu.

Maka beringat, lepas nih kalau nak masuk bilik orang, minta izin dulu.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Penulisan. Aku dan Fynn Jamal.

Assalamu'alaikum.

Penulisan aku memang dan sangat dipengaruhi Fynn Jamal. Aku pun sedar.
Dia idola aku. Setiap hari, aku bukak page dia. 
Baca post dia, tak kisah berunsur puisi, politik, agama atau apa saja. Semua aku hadam. 
Tak jemu baca benda yang sama berulang kali.

Itu salah satu sebab kenapa penulisan aku dah mula jadi sebijik macam dia.
Tapi kami ada beza. Cara dia dan aku lain.
Fynn Jamal bahasanya tinggi. Penulisan aku cuma bahasa kampung.
Karya Fynn Jamal ada nyawa, ada roh. Karya aku apa ada? Habuk, haha.
Gaya penulisan kami sama tapi ekspresi kami berbeza.
Fynn Jamal dengan aku macam langit dan bumi kot.
Untuk aku tag nama Fynn Jamal pun, aku segan. 
Sebab rasa macam hina sangat aku nih berbanding dengan dia. 
Tinggi dia menjulang ke langit, mana mungkin aku merendahkan dia dengan tag dia dalam post aku.

Penulisan aku dipengaruhi dia tak bermakna aku tiru dia. Fahami itu. 
Aku ni bagus, kalau aku quote orang, aku letak nama. *bajet, haha
Sastera bagi aku sangat sacred, maka aku takkan main kotor dengan ambil karya orang dan julang sebagai penulisan aku.
Tak macam setengah orang yang copy paste then buat macam dia sendiri yang tulis.
Keji.

Oh ya, gaya aku macam teruk kan bila penulisan aku terlampau mengagumi Fynn Jamal? 
Bahasa mudahnya cuma aku kagum dengan dia, dan aku segan nak tag nama dia. 
Penulisan aku memang hiperbola, tapi jangan ambil literal sangat. Tuh bangang namanya. 
Satgi ada yang komen 'Allah kan ada. Allah pandang makhluk dia semua sama.'
Oh God. *tepuk dahi
Bak kata Fynn Jamal, 'Grow some funny bone please.'

Aku pernah juga cakap hal ini pada Fynn Jamal.
Meminta maaf untuk setiap penulisan yang sama rupa--
Memohon halal setiap penulisan aku yang sama ekspresi--
Dan Fynn Jamal, dengan murah dan rendah hati--
Menghalalkan semua tanpa berkira walau satu perkataan
Malah menggalakkan aku menulis dan berdakwah.

Semoga segala penulisan aku--
Yang mirip gaya penulisan Fynn Jamal.
Dilimpahkan rahmat  Allah ke atas Fynn Jamal.

Insan yang mendidik aku--
Bagaimana untuk menulis menggunakan jiwa.
Bagaimana untuk menulis yang mampu membuat orang tersenyum.
Penulisan bagaimana yang mampu membunuh orang.
Penulisan bagaimana yang mampu menjentik rasa ke dalam hati orang.

Semoga segala penulisan aku--
Sama ada saja-saja puisi atau berkaitan dakwah
Dirahmati dan diredhai Allah.

Dan semoga Allah merahmati dan melindungi Fynn Jamal dan keluarganya
Semoga Allah memberi kekutan pada Fynn Jamal untuk terus berkarya
Kerana setiap satu karya Fynn Jamal--
Menjentik aku untuk berlari ke pangkuan Tuhan aku.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Sahabat kerana Allah.

Assalamu'alaikum..
Aku pernah berkawan dengan seorang perempuan atas dasar dia girlfriend kepada kawan aku. 
Konon nak welcome dia into the gang aaa. 
Bila kawan aku nih putus dengan girlfriend dia, kami pun putus kawan.
Gaduh siap pasai dia putus dengan kawan aku. Haha. Bodoh giler.

Entah macam mana dan kenapa, kami kawan balik.
Sampai sekarang. Gaduh sekali pun tak pernah. 
Malah, makin rapat berbanding dulu. 
Kalau ditanya dah berapa lama berlalu sejak kami kembali rapat, aku tak mampu nak jawab.  
Sebab aku sendiri tak tahu dan tak ingat, haha.
Ada hikmah agaknya kenapa kami gaduh. 
Niat kita berkawan dengan orang tuh apa?

Niat asal aku kawan dengan dia sebab dia girlfriend kawan aku.
Mungkin Allah nak aku betulkan niat aku.
Maka, dia putuskan kami.
*cewahh, ayat drama betul.

Bila kami kawan sekali lagi--
Kami kawan kerana kami memang kawan. 
Bukan atas dasar girlfriend kepada kawan lagi.
Dia bagi aku nasihat agama.
Dia bebel kat aku macam mak, macam kakak, macam orang tua.
Hahaha.

Alhamdulillah, kami pernah putus sahabat sekali.
Itu buat aku lebih hargai dia.
Dan aku dah belajar--
Apa pun keputusan kita buat dalam hidup nih.
Niat paling penting.
Salah niat kita, salah lah semuanya.

Ada seorang sahabat aku yang lain mengadu 
'Tak guna betul. Dia kawan dengan aku sebab aku ni girlfriend si A. Lepas kami putus, terus dia unfriend aku kat FB. Padahal, aku tadak buat salah apa pun kat dia.'

Hahaha, aku gelak-gelak jap. Teringat kisah aku dengan member aku.
Maka, ini jawapan aku kepada sahabat aku.
"Takpe lah awak. Dia kawan dengan awak tak ikhlas pun, biar je. Saya ada. Saya akan kawan dengan awak sampai gigi kita masing-masing dah tak ada. Biar kat dia. Buat apa kawan dengan orang hipokrit macam tuh? Saya pun tak sudi nak bagi awak kawan dengan orang macam tuh. Tak ada faedah pun. Lagipun, dia dengan si A tuh kawan baik jugak. Mesti dia tak nak si A terasa kalau dia stay in touch dengan awak lagi. Mungkin jugak dia bengang dengan awak sebab putuskan hubungan dengan si A. Apa pun alasan dia, redhakan je. Yang penting, kita kawan sampai syurga".

Semoga kita semua--
Dapat betulkan niat.

Semoga persahabatan kita semua--
Bersandarkan pada Allah.
Berpaksikan keimanan

Sayang semua kawan-kawan aku demi Allah.  :).

Monday, October 21, 2013

Kawan.

Assalamu'alaikum.

It's been long.
Past few days, a friend of mine was telling me how upset she was with a friend of her.
As usual, with love and care, I advised her on what to do.
As for now, mari aku berkongsi satu cerita--
Cerita aku dan junior aku
Yang merupakan sahabat baik aku.

Ada satu hari, aku dan kawan kepada sahabat baik aku keluar bersama sebab ada hal. Untuk mengisi masa kosong dari berdiam diri, kami berbual. Entah macam mana, dia tanya aku
'Macam mana kak Shida boleh kawan dengan dia? Maksud saya, tak rasa pelik ke sebab beza umur walaupun setahun tapi masih boleh berkawan rapat macam tak ada jurang umur?'

*senyum kosong

"Dia banyak sangat sabar dengan kak Shida. Kerenah kak Shida dia layankan, bebal kak Shida dia surutkan, kemahuan kak Shida dia turutkan. Sebab tuh kak Shida boleh sabar dengan setiap kerenah dia. "

'Eh? Dia pun cakap benda yang sama jugak bila saya tanya dia.'
"Apa yang dia cakap?"
'Dia cakap dia pun boleh sabar dengan kak Shida sebab kak Shida banyak sabar dengan dia.'

*senyum sesorang lagi.

The key to a successful friendship is to BE PATIENT. 
Bear in mind that how we are not perfect, so is our friends. 
Tolerate to them as they will tolerate to you. 
When having a problem, be open. Talk and discuss about that problem. Find the solution together.
Don't just keep it to yourself. Nothing going to be happen. Nothing is going to be solved if you keep quiet.

If they are truly your friend, they will understand.
And if they don't, you might as well find another friend, haha.

Friday, October 4, 2013

The Parachute

Assalamu'alaikum.

In the presentation skill class, we were playing a game called 'The Parachute'. See the plot was we were in a plane that are going to crash and there are only 2 parachute. 1 was taken by our instructor while for the other one, we should convince her why we deserve the parachute.

Each of us was given a character. There are gay boy, pregnant mother with triplets, a serial killer and lots. While our instructor was confused over the character to be given to this one particular student, she asked for the boys help.

'Come on guys, help me. What character should we gave her?'
A boy answered "Mahatma Gandhi!"
'No, the character should be someone who didn't deserve to get the parachute so that she will fight for it. Gandhi was a good person.'
"ROSMAH!". He shouted loudly while saying that.

There was an awkward 5 seconds in the class. Then everyone started to laugh. I in particular, almost threw up the water I just drank, hahaha. This guys got balls, haha. And yes, the girl have the character of Rosmah. And how did she convince our instructor?

By saying 'If you doesn't save me, my husband will do terrible things to you. Not only to you but your whole family. After all, my husband has such power in our country.' Hahaha, that was fun.  :D

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Sins.

Assalamu'alaikum.

*pause
*long sigh

Hari ini terasa sangat berdosa. Rasa bersalah yang melampau. Selalu kalau mencarut kat orang pun, tak terasa dosa sampai macam nih.
*okay, tak lawak.

Lepas buat salah, rasa seronok 5 saat. Lepas tuh rasa bersalah dan berdosa. Up till now, the guilt been haunting me. Confused over what to do, I call upon my best friend. Asking for her advice. Asking for her strength.

'Aku rasa berdosa laa weh. Bagi kata-kata semangat jap.'
"Berdosa? Hang buat apa? Aku dah suspens dah nih."
'Mana boleh cakap dosa apa aku buat. Nanti Allah tak nak ampun dosa aku kalau aku hebah dosa/aib aku sendiri.'
*“Allah memanjangkan tangan-Nya pada waktu malam untuk mengampunkan pembuat dosa di waktu siang dan Allah memanjangkan tangan-Nya pada waktu siang untuk mengampunkan pembuat dosa pada waktu malam sehinggalah terbit matahari dari barat” 
Hadith Riwayat Ahmad dan Muslim.
 
"Dosa tuh besaq ka sikit?" kawan aku tanya.
'Hurmm, nak kata dosa teruk, tadak aa sangat.'
"Eh? Boleh pulak letak sendiri dosa teruk ke tak teruk." Dia jugak yang tanya aku tadi. Eesh budak ni.
*gelak-gelak

'Takde laa. Aku tataw nak cakap dosa besaq ke tak. Tapi aku tau apa yang aku buat salah. Dan kalau aku tau salah, maka dosa.' Laju aku menjawab soalan kawan aku.
 
"Hurm, kalau dah rasa berdosa, dah sedar hang buat salah. Bagus lah. Sekurangnya, hang sedar. Balik lah pada Allah. Banyak-banyak doa, mintak ampun, istighfar banyak-banyak. Manusia mana ada yang lepas dari dosa dan salah. Hang ingat balik, hang yang dulu dengan hang yang sekarang mana lebih bahagia? Hang tak bahagia ke dengan cara hidup hang sekarang? Hang nak dapat hidayah Allah ni, hang rasa susah ke senang? Untuk hang jadi hang yang sekarang ni, hang rasa susah ke senang?"

Lama aku diam membisu.
'Aku pun tataw nak cakap aku bahagia ke tak weh. Aku serious tataw. Memang, nak dapat hidayah Allah ni susah. Untuk aku jadi aku yang sekarang ni, lagi laa susah. Tapi untuk aku dapat benda yang aku suka tapi salah ni pun susah jugak.'

Bersama, kami ketawa untuk mengurangkan ketegangan. Lepas tuh dia diam, aku diam berganda-ganda.
Dia sambung berkata-kata.
"Aku tau. Ada masa, aku nak balik macam dulu jugak. Aku paham. Tapi aku selalu pikir, semua nih dunia ja. Sementara. Akhirat tuh yang kekal."

*pause. 
Masa silam keluar satu demi satu. 
Bersilih ganti dengan segala kuliah agama yang aku pi. 
Terngiang di telinga tazkirah kawan-kawan. 
Terbayang muka mak dan abah.
*mata berkolam.

'Aku paham. Doakan aku.'
*hang up the phone.

Terima kasih kerana ada untuk aku. Bila mana aku sendiri yang tolak hang jauh dari aku, nyata bahawa hakikatnya, hang tak pernah jauh dari aku. Dan ya, doakan aku. Aku manusia pendosa yang mana ada masa-masa tertentu, aku terjatuh dalam kenangan lama. 

Doakan aku supaya kuat iman dan tabah hati.

 

Friday, September 13, 2013

From M to L and XL.

Assalamu'alaikum..

Nope. The topis is not about some sort of recipe how to gain your weight, how to increase your body size or what not, haha. 

Then what it is about? Read. Ahahaha.

Masa awal-awal belajar pakai tudung dulu, aku pakai tudung saiz M. Sebab apa? Panas. *tangan ke bahu, mata ke atas. But seriously though, untuk someone yang baru belajar pakai tudung, pakai tudung memang panas. Mana tak nya, suhu kat Malaysia ni rasa macam dok kat Gurun Sahara.

Bila dah lama, dah biasa dengan panas tuh. Bila panas pun, rasa macam sejuk je. Macam ada air-cond dalma tudung giteww, ahaha. Then I moved one step forward. I started to wear my tudung in L size. Seriously, masa awal-awal pakai, rasa macam aku ni dah layak masuk Ustazah Pilihan, ahaha. *bajet sangat. 

Tudung aku semua murah-murah je. Aku tak beli haa tudung kat Juma ke, butik Ariani ke butik apa ka. Tempat aku beli tudung adalah di pasar malam. Kalau tak pasar malam, pasar pagi, haha. Sebab apa? Murah. Aku mana ada duit. Yelah, takkan nak pakai tudung hitam je, nanti orang kata aku tengah berkabung pulak. Tudung beli banyak kaler, nak matching dengan baju. Baru nampak glamour sikit, haha. Tapi tu lah, satu kekurangan beli kat tempat macam ni, kualiti tuh kurang sikit. Tudung aku labuh, tapi kain nipis. Tak jarang okay? Tapi kain dia nipis.

Then tertarik nak pakai tudung labuh. Labuh yang labuh gila punya. Macam ustazah dok pakai tuh. Aku panggil tudung tuh, tudung cendawan. Murah rezeki aku, ada sorang kawan ni, dia nak buang tudung dia yang macam ustazah tuh. *aku lupa kenapa dia nak buang

Aku pun minta laa tudung tu dari dia. Nak try pakai dulu. Nak test dulu laa takut tak sesuai ke hapa ke kan? Dari aku habis duit beli sendiri, baik aku pakai je tudung kawan aku ni. Dah alang-alang dia pun tak nak pakai. Kawan aku pun bermurah hati laa bagi tudung dia kat aku. Moga Allah limpahkan rahmat dan murahkan rezeki kawan aku nih.  :)

Aku pun start pakai. Ya Allah, panasnya, Allah je yang tau. Berpeluh-peluh ni haa aku pakai tudung tuh. Rasa macam portable sauna giteww. My mom is so sweet and caring. She realized that the tudung is making me feel hot and sweaty. Dia kenalkan satu jenis tudung ni kat aku.

Aku pun try je laa. Beli buat tudung raya 2 helai, saiz XL. Yang penting, tutup aurat. Pakai tudung jenis apa pun tak kesah kan? Bila dah pakai, rasa seronok. Sebab apa? Sebab dia besttt, haha. Tudung ni tebal, tapi tebal yang sedap pakai. Dan yang paling best, tudung itu kita boleh campak dalam mesin basuh tanpa perlu pikir sama ada 'awning' dia akan patah. Sebab tudung ni takda awning. Haa, sesuai sangat laa dengan orang macam aku yang pemaleh ni. Ye dak? Haha. Plus, dia ada macam lapisan untuk tutup dagu kita. Tahukah anda bahawa DAGU KITA ADALAH AURAT? 

Kalau tataw, sekarang aku bagitau. Tudung tuh mahal sikit aaa. Sehelai rm 38.00. Hari tu sebelum balik UIA, aku beli lagi. Pergi dengan adik. Adik ambil 1, aku ambil 2. Kakak tuh baikk, dia bagi harga sehelai tudung rm30.00. Semoga Allah merahmati dan memurahkan rezeki akak.

Pernah sekali, aku dok bebel kat adik. Baju Muslimah mahal, tudung pun jual mahal. Aku yang baru nak belajar pakai baju labuh dengan tudung ni pun rasa macam down sikit sebab mahal oooiii. Adik aku diam kejap, kemudian dia kata

"Syurga itu mahal. Kalau kita nak masuk syurga, harga yang patut kita bayar haruslah mahal juga. Tak apa, Allah redha setiap duit kita yang habis demi nak beli baju dan tudung yang tutup aurat ni."

Debush! Haa, hamek kau. Adik aku cakap gitu kat aku. Adik okay? Bukan kakak aku. Malu kejap. Like seriously, lepas tuh aku tak complaint dah depan adik aku. Nak complaint pon, dalam hati je, haha.

Buat mereka di luar sana yang masih dalam proses berubah, ingat. Setiap wang kita, setiap titik peluh kita yang mengalir demi menjaga aurat kita, insya Allah, Allah redha. Dan ya, aku sangat rekemen tudung ni. Sebab apa? Sebab tudung ni tutup aurat yang kita tak ambil kisah sangat. Aurat apakah itu? Bukan rambut tapi dagu. :)

Para peniaga tudung di luar sana, jual laa tudung ni. Aku tataw la tempat lain senang nak cari ke tak, tapi kat Alor Setar, susah sangat. Aku beli ni kat Arked Empire, dekat Pekan Rabu. Cuma kedai ni yang jual tudung ni dengan banyak pilihan warna dan saiz. Kedai lain susah nak carik. Parking kat Arked Empire tu dah laa susah gileww, haha.

#Nah, aku ada tangkap gambar tudung aku in case orang yang baca entri ni tak dapat nak imagine tudung tuh cena. Yang dalam bulat tuh, yang anak panah tuh, tuh laa lapisan yang tutup dagu tuh. Simple kan? But still, it is nice. :)




-Shah Sahaja-

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Baju Labuh aka Baju Muslimah.

Assalamu'alaikum..

One day, my friends and I went to some shopping mall. We were talking when she suddenly ask me thing I would never expect would come out from her mouth.

'Kenapa hang pakai baju labuh weh?'
"Eh? Apa maksud hang?"
'Hang nak berubah, aku paham. Pakai tudung bagai, tapi kenapa hang berubah sampai pakai baju labuh semua?'
"Hurmmmmm..."

Tak dinafikan, aku ambil masa lama nak jawab. Sebab aku pun tengah pikir
"A'ah laaa, macam mana aku boleh pakai baju labuh eh? Spoil image rock aku ni, haha."

But still in the end, my answer was 
"Aku masuk UIA, aku tengok banyak orang pakai baju labuh. Kawan-kawan kelas aku pun pakai baju labuh. Aku jadi malu sebab baju aku singkat dari baju depa. Lagi pun, baju labuh tutup aurat aku. Paha aku ni bukan kecik macam paha hang, aku pakai seluar besar pun, nampak fit lagi. 

Paling kurang, bila aku pakai baju labuh ni, tak nampak bentuk kaki aku. Nak pakai legging pun rilek sikit, haha."

Kalau betul niat kita nak berubah kerana Allah, pasti Allah akan beri jalan pada kita. Allah datangkan kita kawan-kawan yang baik, macam kawan aku di UIA. And instead of UITM, Allah beri aku UIA, supaya aku dapat dalami lagi ilmu agama.

Well, there's a lot of good things Allah have gave me. To list it out would take me writing the entry to death, haha. I am just grateful that I had been given the chance to walk in the true path. :)

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Tudung as a safety net.

Assalamu'alaikum..



At first, I didn't know and didn't understand why people said that 'tudung' will keep us safe from bad things. I mean like, I see lots of people who are wearing 'tudung' holding hand with their boyfriend which is clearly HARAM as they are not married yet, and other stuff.

Well, until one moment when I was chatting with my friend, then I realize that actually, I am safe by wearing 'tudung'.

I have boy friends. Best boy friends I have in my whole life. We were so closed that even when we were out for dinner or lunch, we'll be sitting next to each other in a very short distance. It is quite rare that we will be sitting far from each other. Not only that, we'll be punching and slapping on each other body as we crack joke. 

I am that close to them until I was no longer treated as a woman. There are times when they came out seeing me only wearing boxers. Oh, how we have no respect for each other. And I must said, we were stupid at that time.

After I have changed. Quite a few months later, I met my boy friend. We had dinner together. Yes, we were still sitting next to each other, but we kept our boundary. We sit far from each other. Before we were heading home, my friend take a picture of us. We stand far from each other. 

Then my friend said 'Closer dude.'
Unexpectedly my boy friend said "No. She is not my mahram. It is haram."

Oh, how it touch my heart. How he respect me as a woman. How he kept our friendship while still holding on to the Do's and Don't's of Islam. Only by wearing 'tudung', he realized the dignity of woman in Islam and how woman should be treated according to Islam.

But of course, only the proper wear of 'tudung' can keep us safe. Not by putting a piece of cloth on top of your head while you are wearing some kind of skinny jeans and tight cloth.

O' Allah, bless our friendship. Keep us safe from the evil and grant us Jannah. 


Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Energy donation.

Assalamu'alaikum..

Every weekend in Giant, there will be a group of organisation who organized some kind of a charity program. They placed a bin for us to drop off any kind of dried food to be given to the needy. While we were shopping, we can by somethings and drop it off after we have paid it.

There first day it was held, I was clueless about that situation and what it is all about. So I ask my friend about that. Bla bla blaa.. She explained that to me. Devi was standing right beside me to know what are we talking about.

After I finished listening to that explanation, I sigh. I said to Devi that I have no money to buy anything and drop it to the bin. What surprised me was when she said that we can donate our energy. I was a bit puzzled by that term. Knowing that I don't clearly understood by what she suggesting, she said this to me

'Kita suruh orang yang tengah edarkan kertas tuh rehat. Lepas tuh kita ambil kertas dia. Lepas tu kita pulak tolong edarkan kertas tu. Macam tu laa cara kita nak derma tenaga, kakak.'

I was stunned. My friend and I were staring at each other with full of shame. We were shame by the fact that we as a Muslim have so many excuse when it come to donating something when this Indian girl, despite having no money, she still have another way of contributing and helping the needy.

It's a blessing that Devi is my friend. Whenever my Imaan was weak and I was in an unstable mood, she was there to remind me the wonder of the world. 

And I am thankful to God for blessing me with a friend like her.   :)

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Tudung labuh, baju longgar dan ilmu.

Assalamu'alaikum..

First of all, ingin aku terangkan yang post ini bukan mahu membuka aib, mahu menghina, melemahkan semangat atau apa. Cuma pada pendapat aku, setiap apa yang terjadi, insya Allah, ada iktibar di sebaliknya. Semoga kita yang membaca memperoleh pengajaran.

Few days ago, my friend and I have a misunderstanding. Like total misunderstanding. I was giving her some encouragement and a piece of advice when suddenly she said that my piece of advice was underestimating her. Katanya dia tidak punya ilmu agama yang dalam untuk berbahas dengan aku, namun dia harapkan aku dapat memberi semangat pada dia, bukan melemahkan semangat dia.

Shocked. Stunned. 
Aku? Banyak ilmu agama?

Yes. I am a student of International Islamic University Malaysia. Islamic. Note the word. By being a student of an Islamic university doesn't qualify me to be said as having 'banyak ilmu agama.'

Mungkin kawan aku melihat pada penampilan aku. Berbaju longgar dan labuh, tudung aku pun sudah mula di labuhkan mencecah pinggang aku, post di Facebook dan blog aku seems to be full of Islamic values, share aku di Facebook sentiasa menegnai hadis, maka di anggap aku punya banyak ilmu.

Maka, aku jelaskan. Ya, aku berminat dengan ilmu hadis dan aku tahu serba sedikit. Bagaimana aku tahu? Ilmu harus dicari, bukan di tunggu. Aku punya sahabat maya yang belajar di Mesir, yang memang dikurniakan Allah akan kehebatan dalam bidang hadis. Maka aku belajar dari dia. Sahabat maya aku ada menulis buku, boleh download percuma. Aku download dan aku baca. Buku yang ditulis sarat dengan hadis dan penjelasan. Allah kurniakan aku ingatan, maka aku ingat serba sedikit hukum hakam. Dan aku sebarkan. Cuma itu.

Alhamdulillah juga, menjadi penuntut ilmu di sebuah Universitit Islam memang banyak manfaat. Kuliah agama tak pernah putus. Hingga ada masa, aku sampai jadi keliru hendak ke kuliah yang mana satu bila ada percanggahan waktu. Terlampau bermanfaat dan terlampau berharga untuk dilepaskan peluang ke kuliah tersebut. Setiap kali ke kuliah agama, sebuah buku dan sebatang pen tak pernah di tinggalkan. Aku catat apa aku dengar. Dan bila kelapangan, aku membaca nota itu. Dari situ aku mendapat ilmu.

Baju labuh dan longgar yang aku pakai. Mahupun tudung aku yang mula labuh, bukan kayu ukur untuk menilai ilmu aku. Dan aku mengerti konsep first impression. Bila nampak orang pakai tudung labuh, pakai baju yang boleh muat 2 orang, maka automatik dianggap banyak ilmu. Atas sebab itu, aku berusaha memenuhi first impression itu. Supaya aku tidak memalukan orang lain yang berpakaian sama seperti aku. Aku cuma sedang dalam proses untuk menjadi Mukminah. Mahu menghambakan diri pada Allah. 

Jangan nilai ilmu aku pada setiap post blog aku, pada setiap post di Facebook aku mahupun pada cara aku berpakaian. Risau aku kalau aku tak menepati jangkaan orang, maka mereka akan kecewa. Aku insan biasa yang pernah bergelumang dengan dosa. Dan aku sedang berusaha untuk berubah.

Dan Alhamdulillah, salah faham antara aku dan sahabat aku berjaya diselesaikan. Semoga Allah meredhai persahabatan kami. Dan semoga kami mampu ke syurga Allah bersama.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Islamic values from an Indian girl.

Assalamu'alaikum..

Today post is still gonna be about my chat with Devi. What can I say? She is an Indian girl who gave me the lesson of Islam in each action she did and in each words she speak.

It was getting near to 5 pm. 5 pm is the time when Devi is going to have her break time. And this, is my conversations with her

"Ada masa lagi 2 minit. Tak sabar laaa tunggu pukul 5 kakak." kata Devi
'Lapar eh?'
"Saya tak lapar sangat tapi saya dahaga."
'Laa, gi laa beli air kat dalam. Minum je.'
"Mana boleh. Kakak puasa, kakak dapat pahala. Nanti saya minum depan kakak, saya dapat dosa. Tak mau laa macam itu kakak."

*stunned. eyes teary

Then one of our friends, Vicky Thom which is also the super market staff came. Asking Devi whether it is already 5 pm. They were talking in Indian language but through the body language, what I understand was that Devi is telling him there is still one minute left.

I guess Vicky don't really care about the 1 minute difference. All he think is food, drinks and break time. He then walks away when suddenly Devi yelled at him. From my understanding, Devi told Vicky that there was still 1 minute left and Vicky seems not to care. Devi then looked at her watch again.

"Kakak, dah pukul 5. Saya pergi dulu. Babai."

2 lessons I learned from Devi today. To respect the time given by higher authority about when we should leave or not. 

1- At first, it was only 2 minutes of time difference to 5 pm. It it was me, I would just get out and have my break time. Yet, Devi stood still. Only going out for break when her watch is exactly on 5 pm. Masya Allah.

2- When I was younger, when one of my siblings is on period and don't have to fast, we will boast and show off to the other. Especially me. Cooking Maggi and eating it in front of the TV where the other were hanging around. But Devi, as an Indian girl, taught me what is right and what is wrong. She is allowed to eat and drink in front of me. In fact, she can do that. But she refuse it. Why? Because she knows that it is a bad things to do in front of a fasting people. Masya Allah.

I pray for Allah to open up my little Devi's heart about Islam. She is a great human being. And I know, that if Allah wills it, she will be a great Muslim. Insya Allah.  :)

Friday, July 12, 2013

Small chat with an Indian girl.

Assalamu'alaikum..

So, I've been working part time as a promoter in a super market. And my best friend there is an Indian girl, named Devi. She actually has a longer name which I don't remember but I just called her Devi. She is a chatter box and that is probably why I feel comfortably around her. She make me feel less lonely.

Okay, cut the intro.
Yesterday, we were talking and then suddenly she ask me this :
'Kakak, kenapa orang Islam bila datang bulan, mereka tak boleh puasa?'

"Hah?" I was a bit shocked when she asked me this. My brain was trying hard to find the correct and simple way in explaining that to her so that she will understand it.

"Sebab darah haid tuh darah kotor. Bila kita nak sembah Tuhan kita, nak sembahyang ke apa ke, mesti mau bersih-bersih. Tapi darah haid tu kotor, sebab tu tak boleh puasa. Sembahyang pun tak boleh jugak. Tunggu habis datang bulan baru boleh sembahyang balik."

'Ooo, macam orang India laa kakak.'

"Yeke? Macam mana pulak?"

'Orang India kalau datang bulan, kami tak boleh makan sayur. Lepas habis datang bulan baru boleh makan sayur balik.'

Its fun actually to have a non-Muslin friend. Every second we spent talking with them will be a da'wah. Who knows she might open up to Islam one day. :)

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Marrybrown and it's lesson.

My eyes was focused on the TV screen. I don't remember what story was playing. My pupil became bigger as I was so into the screen. All of a sudden, there was a face. Right in front of my eyes. I was shocked and distracted. And I became blurred as such shocked came the moment I am so focused.

"Hah, dah makan belum?"
'Errr, dah. Petang tadi dah makan.'
"Nah, ambil ni. Makan."
'Eh? Aaaa, okay.'
"Kejap lagi solat Maghrib kat mana?"
'Aaa, Giant ada sediakan surau untuk staff.'
"Okay, nanti lepas solat, makan ye."
'Aaaa? Emm, okay.'

During this conversation, I tried so hard to remember who is this anuti who had been talking to me and giving me food. The face was familiar but I couldn't recall. Until her daughter came. Then I regain my memory.

She is my friends' mother. Perhaps an hour earlier, I met her and her daughter which happen to be my friend. I just met her one time only. Shake her hand only one time. And all of a sudden, she came back to me, carrying a bag of foods.

It took me around 10 minutes to get myself together as I was still in shocked. After that 10 minutes, my eyes were teary, but I hold it in since I was working at that time. And that place is full of people. 

Thanks auntie. I bring back the food to home and share it with my dad. May Allah reward our full stomach as an ibadah for you auntie. May Allah ease you in the world and also the Hereafter. May Allah grant you and your family Jannah.  

Perhaps, this is one of the way of Allah telling me to do goods to people.
Its like saying "Hey, you have received other good deeds, now go and make some good deeds to people. Bring smile to one face."

After all, it is Ramadhan! :)


Saturday, June 29, 2013

Kedahan Banmal Language

Assalamu'alaikum..

Kisahnya bermula bila seorang budak yang berpangkat adik ni text aku. 
Dia tulis 'Apa khabar? Hang sehat?' 
Ya, aku faham dia mahu bertanya khabar. Dan aku mengerti bila dia guna perkataan hang tuh. It might add some sense of humor or the feel of in a close relationship with me. To tell the truth, it's actually not.

The word 'Hang' and 'Aku' is actually a banmal language of Kedah. But, since the word 'Aku' is widely and commonly used in daily life, people eventually get over it. Whereas the word 'Hang' is not.

Those words usually used among friend. And by 'friend', I mean close friend. You is considered as rude if you know someone for couples of days then you start using the word 'Hang'. Especially if you are not originally Kedahan.

I myself use few different terms with my friends. There are few people I use the word 'Hang' and few of my friends are called by their name. It shows politeness. And what really important is that, even if you have a one year gap of age with other older person, you surely don't call them by 'Hang'. It is unacceptable and rude.

I myself never called any of my friends who are older than me by the word 'Hang'. I called them by their name. It shows my respect towards them even we have only one year gap in age. Yes, this post is to let you know what is right and what is not when speaking Kedah.

Learn something from this post and next time, try to think before you talk. Your word can hurt someone heart. 

*banmal is informal. Info taken from Running Man, hehe. :P

#this is only from my point of view. 

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Taubat. Sempatkah Kita?

Assalamu'alaikum..




Log in sahaja ke Facebook, aku dilanda kejutan. Membaca perkhabaran pelajar Malaysia meninggal dalam kemalangan jalan raya di Jordan. Ya Allah, sebak hati tiada terkira.

Arwah Sumaiyah Romli, merupakan sahabat pada adik aku. Dan setiap sahabat adik aku bagaikan adik aku sendiri. Berita menyatakan mereka maut apabila kenderaaan yang mereka naiki terbabas dan terjunam ke dalam gaung ketika dalam perjalanan ke Aqabah.

Cukup setakat itu cerita aku. Untuk lebih terpeinci, mungkin boleh Google sendiri. Arwah Sumaiyah seorang yang hebat, Lihat saja pada kursus arwah, astro fizik. Dia serba bagus. Baik budi bicara, tinggi ilmu dunia dan tak pernah lelah dalam mencari ilmu akhirat. Walau aku jumpa dia baru beberapa kali, tapi rasa seolah dah lama berkenalan. Peramah orangnya.

Kematian dia hadir dalam keadaan yang tak dapat dijangka. Bila mana percutian yang dirancang sepatutnya membawa bahagia, ia memberi perkhabaran duka. Menurut berita lagi, arwah masih hidup ketika sampai di hospital dan sempat mengucap kalimah syahadah sebelum menghembuskan nafas terakhir. *sebak

Alhamdulillah, arwah pergi menghadap pencipta-Nya dalam keadaan yang tenang dan aman. Itu dia. Kita bagaimana? Apa kita punya masa untuk mengucap kalimah syahadah bila ajal kita sudah sampai? 

Orang selalu takut bila naik kereta dengan aku kerana pemanduan aku yang laju. Dan aku dengan bangga akan berkata 'Laa, rilek laa. Have trust in me.' Siapa aku untuk menjamin bahawa nyawa aku dan nyawa mereka yang menaiki kereta dengan aku akan selamat? Angkuhnya aku hingga berkata begitu sedangkan aku lupa bahawa sekali Allah berkata 'Kun fayakun' maka jadilah ia.

Arwah masih muda, baru berusia 21 tahun. Kita selalu punya tanggapan 
'Nanti laa aku solat' 
'Dah kahwin annti aku pakai tudung'
'Rilek, aku muda lagi. Dah tua nanti aku taubat laa'

Aku berusia 23 tahun pada 2013. Dan arwah Sumaiyah berusia 21 tahun ketika meninggal. Apa yang menjanjikan kita esok bukan ajal kita? Siapa kita untuk berkata bahawa kita masih punya masa? Dan kalau esok adalah hari kita pergi menghadap Illahi, cukupkah amalan kita?

Hati aku gentar. Mari kita muhasabah diri kita sendiri.


Semoga Allah merahmati arwah Sumaiyah, menempatkan arwah di Jannah, di kalangan orang yang beriman. Kita akan kembali berkumpul suatu hari nanti, dan semoga di Jannah kita berjumpa, insya Allah. Allahummaghfirlahum.


Sedikit petikan kata dari sahabat arwah Sumaiyah yang diambil dari Facebook

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Just started watching Omar the Series and was eagerly waiting for this episode — where Sumayyah's killed, a spear driven through her private part.

Thus, becoming the first martyr in Islam.

When I was a kid, I thought my name was uniquely weird. I knew how my parents came about naming me 'Sumaiyah', who was the real 'Sumaiyah' behind the name but, no, I still thought it's weird. Back then, this name was considered quite rare tho and I even felt embarrassed with it, sometimes, really. However, as I grew older and learnt more about her, how her faith was just on "God is One, there is no God but Allah and Muhammad is His Messenger" — nothing but that. And then the song Sumayyah by Hijjaz came out and the lyric is just so good (I cry listening to it sometimes):

Sumayyah kau dibunuh di dunia sementara
Untuk hidup di syurga yang selama-lamanya
Kau lah wanita terbaik, sebaik manusia
Namamu tetap menjadi sejarah

"O' family of Yasir! Be patient and remain steadfast, for undoubtedly Paradise is your abode." The prophet (peace be upon him) used to say this to Sumayyah and her family while they were being tortured.

I constantly ask myself, "Sumayyah was a great woman in Islam. ARE YOU? Are you, Sumaiyah, living up to the standard of your name? She chose Paradise and in Paradise she will be. How about you? Are you close enough to it?"

May Allah grant me strength, steadfastness and syahid like Sumayyah.
May Allah gather us all in His Jannah.

P/s: Wrote this post while listening to Hijjaz's Sumayyah. Can I be any cooler?" 

Ni status sahabat bertarikh 30 June lepas.
Namanya Sumaiyah Romli. 

Sahabat baik masa sekolah menengah.
Kali terakhir jumpa masa PUISI 2012 dan kemudian melawatnya di London masa winter tahun lepas.

Cita-citanya dalam bidang Astronomer.
Cita-citanya mahu jadi seperti Sumaiyah, yang syahid kerana mengesakan Allah.

Hari ini dapat berita dia meninggal dunia. 
Kemalangan masa jaulah di Jordan.

Tolong sedekahkan Al-Fatihah boleh? Semoga Allah letakkan arwah di kalangan mereka yang beriman. Semoga syurga untuk dia. 
Inna lillahi wainna ilaihi rajiun.