the job offer

Dear blog,

last night, mom called the little sister. Well, not so little, haha. Adik broke the news. A company had offered her a job, sort of accounting job. The company, I'm not sure the name, but it is some sort of among a huge companies in Malaysia. 

This is her second time being offered by the same company. When they first offered her, adik refused. Cause she is in the middle of her study. She actually applied to do a part time, so when they offered her a full time job, she refused. The same company then, called her again. Asking her to reconsider. They are offering her a full time job, asked her to made her study as a part time and at the same time, they will give her scholarship for her study.

The offer was tempting. Adik was tempted. But she is also strong. She asked for time to think about it. Plus, she got exam coming. Salute that.

I was so happy. And I still am. But at the same time, I felt like a loser. I was sad. I was jealous. I felt so down. I felt that if someone buried me, I could stay deeper in the ground. 

Mind the fact that adik is 2 years younger, and she is now 23 years old. She had her diploma, her degree and is currently pursuing her professional in accounting. While doing that, she already got a job offer. All that in 23 years old.

I am 25 years old. I held my diploma certificate at 21 years old. 4 years passed, and I am still in my degree, doing my last semester as an intern. Still begging for mom and dad for pocket money. I have tons of debts already, well, my study loan. And I haven't been offered a job. I felt like I am the biggest loser of all.

Mom and dad's face last night when the news broke didn't help. Mom and dad's face glow, shining. And they smiling so hard, I can see their happiness in their eyes. 

And I can't help but wondering, have I ever made their face smile and glow like that? Will I be able to do so? 

I told this to 2 of my friends. As expected
- don't be sad
- you are not a loser
- your time will come, soon
- don't worry

I have expected this, haha. After all, I always said that to myself. So yeah, it's predictable, haha. 

Like my friend said 'Ini rezeki dia, rezeki akak ada je nanti. Cuma mungkin, bukan sekarang.'
To which I replied back "Hmm, aku dapat makan benda free, rezeki jugak kan? Hahaha"

Rezeki sentiasa ada, kita kena pandai melihat. 
Aku tahu--
Aku boleh nampak rezeki aku.
Cuma perasaan nih--
Masih ada.

Nanti sehari dua--
Baik lah tuh. 

Kena cari balik semangat aku.

Ini masa, masa adik--
Nanti--
Datang laa masa aku.