Surprises of life.

Assalamu'alaikum.

Last 21st December 2013, my friend's mum's passed away. It was cause of stroke. I was very close to her as I called her 'Mama.' According to what my friend said, Mama was talking happily, making jokes and laughing with them when she suddenly collapse while trying to answer a phone call.

After a brain scan done by my friend's aunt's, it seems that Mama had an internal bleeding in her brain. It was worst. After 3 days in coma, Mama went to meet her Creator, the One and Only, Allah. I was in shocked. As far as I know Mama, she rarely get sick. And all of a sudden, she passed away already.

When I know bout' the news, I was getting ready to get back home from IIUM to my hometown. Since my friend and I were in the same hometown, I was eager to get back home. I drove fast. Like, real fast. Even to the point, dad asked to changed driver from me to my baby sis.

Mama's death taught me. The same way as my uncle's death do. Life is full of surprise. And you just can't expect what awaits us the next minute. Or perhaps, second. Maybe millisecond. Who knows. Only Allah know that.

My friend and Mama were very close. They used to joke around, help each other in the kitchen, went out together for food hunting at 2:00 am and lots. They almost do everything together. Well, my mum and I was the opposite of that. I mean, I did help my mum in the kitchen, we make jokes and laugh. But our communication was not deep enough as my friend and Mama.

Through Mama's death, I learned how precious it is the relationship between family. I make a promise to myself. 

• I want to make my mum happy. 
• I want to see her laugh at my jokes. 
• I want to massage her legs whenever she was having a cramp or too tired too walk. 
• I want to sit with my mum in our yard and look at my mum's orchid. 
• I want to do mostly everything with her. 
• I want to improve my lack of communication with my mum.

And if ever something happened to my mum, or my dad, or whomever it is in my family, I will feel no regret. As I know, they know how much I love them. 

Or perhaps, if something ever happened to me, they will also know how much I love them. And in memory of that, they will continue living a happy life.

Be loved.

Learned how to loved.

Give loves to the loved one.

For the next minutes--

There are always surprises awaits us.

Regret

For the first time.

My hand was shaking so much--

That my handwriting became all shaky.

Become ugly.

That it became hard for me to keep writing .

It was not because I am mad about something.

Rather, it was because I am broken hearted.

For the first time again.

I failed myself.

Among all the wasteful, rubbish, evil things I did.

I would never be broken hearted like this.

This was the bottom of it.

I always said to myself

"I would never regret anything I did--

Because what I've did, molded me into what I am right now."

And now.

I totally regret my action.

CAM

Assalamu'alaikum..

Today, in Calculus class. Prof revealed our continuous assessment mark (CAM).

It is in total of 60. Add up with with exam, 40. Make a whole of 100.

Sir called my name.

My steps felt heavier when walking towards him.

Heavier than when I was jogging and having a short breath.

Still, I gathered up my courage and step toward his table.

'I don't think you can do this, Shidah.'

I take a quick look at my mark while Prof was uttering that word.

My heart sank. Prof's words become an echo in my ears.

As if I can't hear anything. I don't want to hear anything.

But still, thank you Prof for keeping my mark as a secret and do not announce it publicly.

Thank you for taking care of my pride.

Prof had made me a promise, in which I have to kick my ass to fulfill them.

If I am able to fulfill his condition, I will pass Calculus.

Please don't think anything dirty, haha.

Prof is like a father to me.

Walking back to my chair, I was afraid and shamed.

Knowing that my friends will ask me how much my mark is.

As I predicted, they asked. But I keep my mouth tight.

To speechless to say, to nonsense to think, I start laughing.

And breathing a long sigh.

Both of my friends, in my right and left.

Hold my hands and laugh with me.

Their hand felt so warm that it warmth my cold hands.

As itwarmth my cold heart too.

Their words of encouragement made me believe that I can do it.

It is through their warm touch--

their friendly and loving gaze--

their word of encouragement--

I have found my strength again.

Thank you for holding tight to me.

I am glad Prof told you to sit in the front row.

And I am grateful that both of you--

Chose to sit in my left and right.

Thank you

Quick nap

Assalamu'alaikum..

I am exhausted. Utterly exhausted.

I have so many, so much things to be done in my head.
I can literally and practically list them out.

But still.

Despite of me having so many work to be settled, I haven't done anything yet.

It's just.

So much thing to do, and you decide that you should take a quick nap.

And it turns out that nap has become a long and deep sleep.

Except for the fact I am not sleeping.

I just do other things to keep me distracted from my work.

Such as.

Blogging.

Okay bye, haha.

'Nak masuk boleh?'

Assalamu'alaikum.

Islam itu lengkap. Setiap penjelasan mencakupi segala hal. Dari sebesar-besar hal sehingga sekecil-kecil hal. Contoh, minta izin sebelum masuk bilik ibu bapa. Surah An-Nur ayat 58-59.

Itu pun ada dijelaskan dalam kita al-Quran. Walhal benda itu macam 'alaaa, rilek aaa'. Dinyatakan lagi waktu bila kita harus minta izin untuk masuk ke bilik ibu bapa.

- Sebelum solat Subuh
- Waktu tengah hari
- Selepas solat Isya'.

Dan dijelaskan lagi, apabila telah baligh, maka haruslah kamu meminta izin. Hal ini tak semestinya diaplikasi untuk bilik tidur ibu bapa sahaja. Amalkan dengan bilik saudara kita dan sahabat kita.

Contoh mudah, 1 bilik di UIA terbahagi kepada 4 cubicle. Maka, cubicle itu boleh dikira bilik dan bilik adalah tempat privasi untuk seseorang. Itulah tempat persalinan, tempat santapan, tempat belajar, etc.

Walaupun kita rapat dengan room mate kita, setiap kali kita nak masuk bilik dia, minta izin terlebih dahulu. Panggil nama dia, tanya boleh ke tak kita nak masuk bilik. Kalau diberi keizinan, maka masuk. Kalau tidak, berdiri saja di luar cubicle tuh.

Contoh lah. Kita nak masuk bilik kawan, nak tanya sesuatu, nak bersembang ke apa ke. Main redah je tirai yang menjadi pintu cubicle tuh. Salam tak bagi, minta izin pun tidak. Tetiba ternampak kawan kita tengah salin baju. Tak ke malu? Kawan kita malu, kita pun malu.

Maka beringat, lepas nih kalau nak masuk bilik orang, minta izin dulu.

Penulisan. Aku dan Fynn Jamal.

Assalamu'alaikum.

Penulisan aku memang dan sangat dipengaruhi Fynn Jamal. Aku pun sedar.
Dia idola aku. Setiap hari, aku bukak page dia. 

Baca post dia, tak kisah berunsur puisi, politik, agama atau apa saja. Semua aku hadam. 

Tak jemu baca benda yang sama berulang kali.

Itu salah satu sebab kenapa penulisan aku dah mula jadi sebijik macam dia.
Tapi kami ada beza. Cara dia dan aku lain.
Fynn Jamal bahasanya tinggi. Penulisan aku cuma bahasa kampung.
Karya Fynn Jamal ada nyawa, ada roh. Karya aku apa ada? Habuk, haha.
Gaya penulisan kami sama tapi ekspresi kami berbeza.
Fynn Jamal dengan aku macam langit dan bumi kot.
Untuk aku tag nama Fynn Jamal pun, aku segan. 

Sebab rasa macam hina sangat aku nih berbanding dengan dia. 

Tinggi dia menjulang ke langit, mana mungkin aku merendahkan dia dengan tag dia dalam post aku.

Penulisan aku dipengaruhi dia tak bermakna aku tiru dia. Fahami itu. 

Aku ni bagus, kalau aku quote orang, aku letak nama. *bajet, haha

Sastera bagi aku sangat sacred, maka aku takkan main kotor dengan ambil karya orang dan julang sebagai penulisan aku.

Tak macam setengah orang yang copy paste then buat macam dia sendiri yang tulis.

Keji.

Oh ya, gaya aku macam teruk kan bila penulisan aku terlampau mengagumi Fynn Jamal? 

Bahasa mudahnya cuma aku kagum dengan dia, dan aku segan nak tag nama dia. 

Penulisan aku memang hiperbola, tapi jangan ambil literal sangat. Tuh bangang namanya. 

Satgi ada yang komen 'Allah kan ada. Allah pandang makhluk dia semua sama.'
Oh God. *tepuk dahi
Bak kata Fynn Jamal, 'Grow some funny bone please.'

Aku pernah juga cakap hal ini pada Fynn Jamal.

Meminta maaf untuk setiap penulisan yang sama rupa--

Memohon halal setiap penulisan aku yang sama ekspresi--

Dan Fynn Jamal, dengan murah dan rendah hati--

Menghalalkan semua tanpa berkira walau satu perkataan

Malah menggalakkan aku menulis dan berdakwah.

Semoga segala penulisan aku--

Yang mirip gaya penulisan Fynn Jamal.

Dilimpahkan rahmat  Allah ke atas Fynn Jamal.

Insan yang mendidik aku--

Bagaimana untuk menulis menggunakan jiwa.

Bagaimana untuk menulis yang mampu membuat orang tersenyum.

Penulisan bagaimana yang mampu membunuh orang.

Penulisan bagaimana yang mampu menjentik rasa ke dalam hati orang.

Semoga segala penulisan aku--

Sama ada saja-saja puisi atau berkaitan dakwah

Dirahmati dan diredhai Allah.

Dan semoga Allah merahmati dan melindungi Fynn Jamal dan keluarganya

Semoga Allah memberi kekutan pada Fynn Jamal untuk terus berkarya

Kerana setiap satu karya Fynn Jamal--

Menjentik aku untuk berlari ke pangkuan Tuhan aku.

Sahabat kerana Allah.

Assalamu'alaikum..

Aku pernah berkawan dengan seorang perempuan atas dasar dia girlfriend kepada kawan aku. 

Konon nak welcome dia into the gang aaa. 

Bila kawan aku nih putus dengan girlfriend dia, kami pun putus kawan.

Gaduh siap pasai dia putus dengan kawan aku. Haha. Bodoh giler.

Entah macam mana dan kenapa, kami kawan balik.

Sampai sekarang. Gaduh sekali pun tak pernah. 

Malah, makin rapat berbanding dulu. 

Kalau ditanya dah berapa lama berlalu sejak kami kembali rapat, aku tak mampu nak jawab.  

Sebab aku sendiri tak tahu dan tak ingat, haha.

Ada hikmah agaknya kenapa kami gaduh. 

Niat kita berkawan dengan orang tuh apa?

Niat asal aku kawan dengan dia sebab dia girlfriend kawan aku.

Mungkin Allah nak aku betulkan niat aku.

Maka, dia putuskan kami.

*cewahh, ayat drama betul.

Bila kami kawan sekali lagi--

Kami kawan kerana kami memang kawan. 

Bukan atas dasar girlfriend kepada kawan lagi.

Dia bagi aku nasihat agama.

Dia bebel kat aku macam mak, macam kakak, macam orang tua.

Hahaha.

Alhamdulillah, kami pernah putus sahabat sekali.

Itu buat aku lebih hargai dia.

Dan aku dah belajar--

Apa pun keputusan kita buat dalam hidup nih.

Niat paling penting.

Salah niat kita, salah lah semuanya.

Ada seorang sahabat aku yang lain mengadu 

'Tak guna betul. Dia kawan dengan aku sebab aku ni girlfriend si A. Lepas kami putus, terus dia unfriend aku kat FB. Padahal, aku tadak buat salah apa pun kat dia.'

Hahaha, aku gelak-gelak jap. Teringat kisah aku dengan member aku.

Maka, ini jawapan aku kepada sahabat aku.

"Takpe lah awak. Dia kawan dengan awak tak ikhlas pun, biar je. Saya ada. Saya akan kawan dengan awak sampai gigi kita masing-masing dah tak ada. Biar kat dia. Buat apa kawan dengan orang hipokrit macam tuh? Saya pun tak sudi nak bagi awak kawan dengan orang macam tuh. Tak ada faedah pun. Lagipun, dia dengan si A tuh kawan baik jugak. Mesti dia tak nak si A terasa kalau dia stay in touch dengan awak lagi. Mungkin jugak dia bengang dengan awak sebab putuskan hubungan dengan si A. Apa pun alasan dia, redhakan je. Yang penting, kita kawan sampai syurga".

Semoga kita semua--

Dapat betulkan niat.

Semoga persahabatan kita semua--

Bersandarkan pada Allah.

Berpaksikan keimanan

Sayang semua kawan-kawan aku demi Allah.  :).